Due to the pandemic, I, like many people, have spent most of the past year attempting to recapture my youth through Disney+'s corporate magic. There have been highs (Kim Possible is still great) and lows (I got sad because the animated Tarzan TV series wasn't on there), but all of it has led me here.
Where is "here"?
I'm glad you asked. This, my friends, is a blog post containing content that nobody asked for and nobody wanted. Yes, it's me officially ranking every song in High School Musical 1 and 2* from best to worst. It's a contentious piece, I know, but hey, what is art if it doesn't raise your hackles a little bit, eh?**
"But just hold on a second," I hear you cry. "You can't possibly undertake such a mammoth task alone - there are so many songs, so much melodrama, so many luminous outfits!"
You are damn right. If only the company possessed a resident Disney Expert to provide an expert opinion and accompany me on this star-studded voyage...
Katie: What an introduction! I wish the role 'Disney Expert' was something I could do full time and be paid for!
Lara: Where there's a will, there's a way, madam Marrin. First thing's first, welcome to the blog. Now let's get the critical deets out of the way. Favourite High School Musical film?
Katie: The answer to this has changed so many times. For my entire youth, it was always number 2 - but just like you, Lara, I also revisited my childhood via Disney+, and the HSM films were the first to be watched. And now, I'm between 2 and 3.
Lara: Ah, the old High School Musical 2.5. A classic. Favourite character(s)?
Katie: Oh, Troy all the way - everyone else is a bit of a douche at some point across all three films, but Troy is always faithful to himself, and I love it - he's very open to change too, rather than just sticking with the status quo. Don't even get me started on Gabriella…
Lara: Strong choice, strong choice - and I always appreciate a relevant entendre. I think I'm more of a Ryan fan myself, but that's because I've filched most of my personality from the sheer energy of his flat caps. Anyway, with those crucial details out of the way, let's get on with the rankings!
20. When There Was Me and You, HSM 1.
Katie: Honestly, Gabriella needs to pull herself together. She's known the guy a month, and she's flopping around that hallway like they're engaged. Also, what is with the massive poster of Troy et al. in this scene? Is that a thing in America?
19. What I've Been Looking For (Reprise, Troy & Gabriella), HSM 1.
Lara: I've said it before; I'll say it again. Slowing down songs and staring at one another broodily while singing does not improve them. Okay, I've never said that. But it's true. Sorry, Kelsi.
18. Start of Something New, HSM 1
17. All for One, HSM 2.
16. What I've Been Looking For (Sharpay & Ryan), HSM 1.
15. Everyday, HSM 2.
Katie: This one has split the floor.
Lara: Genuinely, I forgot it was a song until it happened. Soppy reunions can hit the back of the queue, please and thank you.
14. Humuhumunukunukuapua'a, HSM 2.
Katie: Busting out this song is my party trick.
Lara: Mine is actually showing up for the party.
13. What Time Is It? HSM 2.
12. You Are the Music in Me (Troy & Gabriella), HSM 2.
11. You Are the Music in Me (Reprise, Sharpay & Troy), HSM 2.
Lara: It's just a bloomin' jazzier version of the previous song!
10. Bop to the Top, HSM 1.
9. We're All in This Together, HSM 1.
8. Work This Out, HSM 2.
Lara: As soon as I do anything that requires an element of exertion, I start to question... "how did [I] get from the top of the world to the bottom of the heap?"
7. Breaking Free, HSM 1.
6. Fabulous, HSM 2.
THE TOP FIVE (BEST)
5. Gotta Go My Own Way, HSM 2.
Katie: But ONLY for Troy's "WHAT ABOUT US" - an iconic moment.
4. Bet on It, HSM 2.
Lara: You could bet on this being in the top five! Ayyy.
Katie: I resign.
3. Get'cha Head In the Game, HSM 1.
Katie: It's a classic; what can I say?
We have joint winners, my good fellows, and both songs extremely deserving of the title!
I Don't Dance, HSM 2.
Lara: 1. Singing a whole song about not being able to dance while vigorously dancing. 2. The clothes switch. 3. The camaraderie.
Stick to the Status Quo, HSM 1.
Katie: Three words - Zeke, crème brûlée.
Thank you for joining us on this wild ride! If you have any comments or disagree with our rankings, please let us know!
*But guys, why didn't you include HSM 3: Senior Year?
Lara: Because I view HSM 3 with utter disdain. I will, however, concede that "The Boys Are Back" and "Scream" are absolute tunes.
Katie: I want it stated for the record and all our dedicated 3LF blog readers that I wanted HSM 3 included because it has some of the best songs. "Scream", "Now or Never", "Boys Are Back" - all BANGERS! I'm also a massive sucker for "Can I Have This Dance" and "Just Wanna Be With You", and I'm not even sorry. Lots of those songs sound like actual songs instead of Disney Channel songs **mic drop**
Lara: As you can tell, this was a controversial decision. I'm no longer invited to the annual 3LF barbecue.
** Due to the wildly provocative nature of this blog post, HR (the 3LF group chat) wants us to inform you that these opinions are our own and do not reflect the company's overall views.